That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
