I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
