We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
