ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
