I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
