i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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