If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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