Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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