That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
