Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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