So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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