he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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