Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
