He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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