saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
