The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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