Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
