woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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