HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
