if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she smelled like a LAN party
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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