I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
