I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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