It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
