I met the friendliest cop last night
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
operation have a gay friend backfired
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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