I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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