She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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