she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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