He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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