Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
