Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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