THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
