Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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