well you can't waste a boner
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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