I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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