that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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