that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
