in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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