If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
