The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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