Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
