Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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