Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
