Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
