It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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