Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
