is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
either way he was missing a nipple.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize