As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
