im six kinds of drunk right now
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
