Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize