why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
