so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
