They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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