Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
