i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
