just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
