I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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