If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
