Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
