You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
