Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
