Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
