I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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